She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
