If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
