All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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