Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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