it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
