Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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