Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
