I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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