I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
