New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
