You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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