i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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