Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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