I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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