Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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