I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
