He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
