So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
