no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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