The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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