my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
