When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
