On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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