The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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