She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
