I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
