I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
