Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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