it hurts more in the daytime
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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