some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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