where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
