I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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