a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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