You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
