I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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