2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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