for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
