My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
