I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
