if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
