go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
