And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
