bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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