My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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