clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize