Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
