the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
