I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
