a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
