Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
