dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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