Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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