In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
