Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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