I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
