Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
