fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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