Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
