why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
