I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
