Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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