If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
