Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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