You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
