i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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