dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no you cant smoke seaweed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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