there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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