I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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