I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
