after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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